i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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