i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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