Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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