You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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