I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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