thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
