Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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