my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
