Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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