Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
