this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
