Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
