every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
