even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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