Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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