hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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