you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Watching her eat just hurts me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
