i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
