After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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