where am i from again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
