I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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