i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
