I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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