I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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