Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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