I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
