my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
