If i come over, it means nothing
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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