I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
