Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she told me i tasted like america
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
