I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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