it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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