Will you blow on my dice?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
