Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
