If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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