i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
