If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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