i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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