so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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