Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
