you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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