I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
