My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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