So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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