Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
