Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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