I think im going to throw up on grandma
only if we run a train.
done.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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