1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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