2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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