The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
