cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
