ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
