so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
