My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
