how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
