well I can't set my house on fire every night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
