Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
